How much do you care what people think?

Okay, guys I gotta question for you… How much do you care about what people think?

If you’re anything like me then you probably spend a little too much time in this zone of pointless mental activity.

I think it’s only natural to want to feel loved, accepted, appreciated and valued by the people around you.

But what if these people weren’t positive or supportive or helpful? What if instead they crush your hopes, your dreams and your desires?

The other day I read an article about breastfeeding – a very hot topic in mummy-circles. Naturally there were women in favour of boobie and others pro formula. The thing that struck me most was how much these mums felt the need to justify their choices and explain their reasons for doing what they did.

This got me thinking, why do we care so much about what other people think?

After all we have no control over this and yet we often allow the opinion of others to impact our lives dramatically. Doing this can send us free falling into a whirl of uncertainty and pain.

But this needn’t be the case. We can take back control by becoming aware and conscious of how we choose to respond. What people think about you, your choices, your partner, your child, your job, your house, your car, your life, isn’t important. It really isn’t.

However, what you think about on a daily basis and how you react to what’s done to you is of paramount importance.

Here’s a little Nat background that I think you should know plus it ties in quite nicely given today’s example. Weeks after Muffin was born I was subjected to some harsh criticism from a close family member about our choice to breastfeed. (I say it was our choice because Millie was extremely keen and supportive about it. In fact he came with me to all the breastfeeding classes – bless him)

So, this person’s views - I’m ashamed to admit - greatly bothered me at the time. I wanted her to be more supportive. I wanted her to understand my reasons. I wanted her to encourage me. I wanted her to love me.

As I was reading some of the comments left by the mums in the article I couldn’t help but notice some similarities between us. They were desperate to convince people that what they were doing was right. Much like I tried to do back then.

The chief problem was this... I wanted these things from her. The fact that I didn’t feel that I was getting them wasn’t her problem it was mine. This was a massive Eureka moment for me!

I later realised that it didn’t matter what she thought, or said, or did. It really didn’t. Once I understood this and actively acknowledged that my happiness didn’t lie in her hands, or anyone else’s for that matter, everything changed, and I mean everything.

I truly believe we put way too much value on the thoughts and opinions of other people and in doing so we give them far too much power and control over thoughts, behaviour, emotions and in many respects our lives.

Our minds are incredibly powerful and ultimately we become what we think about. Our minds instigate our every move, our attitude and our behavior. This is why what we think about comes about.

This is why when I said everything changed when I stopped thinking about this person’s opinion of me and instead focused my attention (a.k.a my mind) on more positive and enriching thoughts the world became a much happier, friendlier and supportive place.

I strongly believe that with our thoughts we create the world. So it goes without saying that this shift in mindset enables us to show up differently, which effects the people we meet, our surroundings and to a greater extent the world.

Everything becomes brighter because we respond, interact and engage with people in a lighter and brighter way.

That’s why it’s so important to safeguard yourself from negative people. Protect yourself from their damaging thoughts that may drown out your own inner voice to do what you believe in your heart to be right, good and true.

I know this can be hard, especially with close family members and friends but it's essential. You really do have control over how much time and brain power you give to them and to the situation. You hold the power.

I think it’s important to note that the language and attitudes of the negative naysayers says more about them than it does about you. By challenging you, your dreams, your philosophy and your principles, they are simply projecting their own inner demons and limitations.

So seek solace in knowing that it’s not about you. It’s about them. They resist you because of their own inner voice telling them that what you're doing can't be done. I repeat, its about them.

Just carry on. Keep doing what you’re doing. Remain resolute in your desire and live the life you’ve always wanted.

Love
Nat x

Fancy a little chuckle then check this out. Here's a little poem I sent to some friends a while ago that I lovingly share it with you - it's just a bit of fun.

Ode to the Boob 

Dear God, I’m here on bended knee and pray you show me mercy.

I did what nature said I ought and fed my babe when he was thirsty. 

I nursed and gave, then gave some more, whenever he desired.

He was content, happy and pleased, while I lay drained and tired. 

The time has past and he has grown, it’s wonderful, it’s fantastic.

But I look down and am distressed, my boobs are flat – it’s tragic. 

The midwife lied; she said they’d stay. She lied! They’ve gone away.

I don’t know what on earth to do this is a sad sad day. 

I knew there was a price to pay and know in my heart it’s worth it

But Lord they’re near my belly now and stretchy like elastic.

 For breastfeeding mummies the world over, With Love Nat Millie x

And finally, I’d like to leave you with these beautiful words from Mark Twain. May they sing in your heart when you face opposition to your dreams.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can be great.”

PG Q: How did you overcome someone's criticism or negativity?

Cardinal Sin

I recently had a chat with a friend that I’d like to share with you. 

She’s in the process of setting up her own company so I tend to check in with her on a weekly basis to see how she’s getting on. 

She told me that she recently carried out a cardinal sin causing her to feel uninspired and lacking the motivation to achieve her goals for that week.

What was this cardinal sin, you ask?

It was the treacherous act of comparing. 

My friend decided to look up her Ex boyfriend’s Ex-girlfriend’s pictures on Instagram. Why? – I do not know. I guess she was curious. Now, we all now was happened to the Curious Cat…

Thankfully my friend’s actions didn’t lead to her demise but it did kill her momentum and crippled her creative drive for that week. 

She told me that she was left feeling dumb and inadequate by comparison. This made me sad. 

It was upsetting to think that a stranger’s pictures could have such a crushing impact on another person’s self-esteem. 

I know my friend isn’t an isolated case, which is why I’m sharing this experience with you. 

How many times have you bumped into an old school friend and thought something negative about your own life, your achievements, career, relationship etc. by comparison? 

How long do you spend on Facebook scanning photos of people you hardly know and come to the conclusion that they must be happier, or healthier, or richer than you?

Why do we do this?

The great news is this. My friend, who for the record is, beautiful, creative, hilarious, compassionate, adorable, intelligent, kind and the list goes on, realised the error of her ways and vowed never to engage in such soul-crushing behavior again. 

Nonetheless her story got me thinking about this act of comparing oneself. 

I consider it a cardinal sin because it can have a catastrophic effect on your thoughts, behavior, attitude and actions – it can be devastating. 

If Aristotle was right and “we are what we repeatedly do” then the habit of comparing ourselves to other people and ultimately feeling bad about ourselves will never lead to a positive outcome.

Now, I must tell you, I struggle with this all the time – she’s better at cooking than me or she’s got nicer hair, she’s more stylish than I am or heaven forbid she’s a better mother!Man, will someone shut that voice up! 

If life wasn’t hard enough and now I’ve gotta deal with my own internal self-destructive melodrama! 

It’s enough to make us scream and yet we do this to ourselves. 

No one is forcing us to spend hours on our phones and laptops scanning pictures of people when we should be asleep, working or being productive. We choose to do it.

Trust me, I know it’s hard to resist the temptation sometimes and you may not consciously mean to do it but the game of comparing yourself to other people is so rubbish because you lose every time. 

Here’s why: You compare yourself to a girl who’s doing her rightful thaang in the world and you think either you’re doing better than her orshe’s doing better than you. 

Both are rubbish outcomes because neither is good for your soul. 

It’s never good to think you’re better than someone else – that’s an ego trip we should never go on – and it’s never good to believe that anyone is better than you because they’re not.

My thinking is this. The only truly healthy outcome is one of abundance. 

When you see someone doing amazing things the best outcome of all is to feel genuinely happy, motivated and inspired by them. 

I’d go as far as to say you should feel this way to the point where you wish more success for them. 

If you are able to come away thinking positively about them; wishing you knew them, could one day meet them or be their friend then that would be awesome! 

These feelings are fabulous because they promote good-vibes. When you radiate good vibrations you channel your mind for abundance. 

As a result, you’ll attract more of the same into your world. Isn’t that amazing?

I strongly believe that you get in life what you put in therefore if you put positive vibes out into the universe then that’s what you’ll get back and usually far greater than you expected or could have possibly imagined. 

Any emotion south of abundance and love zaps your energy and prohibits your ability to grow and you’ll struggle to move forward in the direction of your dreams. 

This is why comparing is such a dangerous game. 

My rule of thumb is never compare friends, family or people in my wider circle, such as friends of friends etc. because it’s a slippery slide to No-where-ville. 

That doesn’t mean I never do it. It just means I try to catch myself before I get too deep into compare mode.

As for the inner voice that was telling my friend that she’s inadequate, I think it’s important to realise that “this voice” isn’t you! 

I know this sounds a little weird because it’s in you therefore its part of you, right? Well, not exactly. 

That voice isn’t your voice. It’s your all too powerful mind testing you. 

The voice is there to test your commitment to your goals, to test your resolve, your strength and your desire. 

I say, take note of it when it ‘speaks’ and then go into action as soon as possible to prove it wrong. 

I struggle with this myself all the time. 

My ‘voice’ tells me, I can’t… or I’ll fail… or I’m not good enough or smart enough all the freakin’ time. 

If I were to listen to it I’d get nothing done. The same goes for you. You are the person you are and where you in your life because you didn’t listen to that voice (or because you did depends if you’re happy or not!)

The truth is comparing is a natural part of being human so don’t beat yourself up for doing it from time to time. 

The key is how you choose to react to what you see. 

I believe that the requisition of an abundant mindset is the good way to go. 

I tell you what, if you must compare, compare your present self to your old self. 

Look at the journey your life has taken you on. 

The struggles you’ve overcome and the stronger person you are now as a result. 

Be proud of your relationships, achievements, your family and your friendships. 

Take pride in the tapestry of life that you’ve created. 

And always commit to showing yourself the same level of love that you so willingly give to others. 

I reckon failure to do this can be considered a cardinal sin in itself.

Here’s to your self-love and abundance

Love Nat x

PG Q: Do you compare yourself to other people? How do you keep a check on it so it doesn’t affect the quality of your life?

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